Recently, the theme in the shop has been parents. I am a parent. I have one child, a son. I was a single parent, his father left us when I was pregnant with my son. Now, I am a grandparent. I have four lovely grandchildren. While not an expert, I do have some idea of what being a parent is all about.
I had a father in the shop with his two beautiful daughters. One of them was planning on going to MSU after she graduates. You could just feel his pride and his love for his beautiful daughters. I said something about how hard it is when they leave. He said, “It goes so fast!” Yes, our children grow up so fast. When we are in the thick of it, it seems like the challenges and the responsibility will be forever. But it really goes very fast. And your kids grow up. And they leave to start their own lives.
There was a couple from down south, on vacation with their adult daughter. The three of them seemed like such good friends. I was mazed they had landed in Montana, in a blizzard, and had driven over the hill from Bozeman to Livingston! I told them I would not have driven that day! I was most moved by what good friends they all seemed to be. As our children become adults, that is the best we could hope for. We can all become good friends.
Then, I had a mom in. She had a very wiggly little guy, maybe 2 years old. He was at the end of a long day, hungry, ready to melt down. She told me she was leaving an abusive relationship; it was difficult even though necessary. I felt so deeply for what she was going through. Even though it is the right thing to do, it is not easy to start your life all over, especially with children! I deeply wished I could help her.
Had a mom and son in the shop. They were taking a trip together; I am not sure what the reason was. I sensed it was just so they could have a time together before the young man left the nest. He was really drawn to the singing bowls. He played with several, and found a bowl he resonated with. I could tell Mom really wanted to give it to her son, but finances were tight. Her love could not be stopped. She got him the bowl.
As parents, we sacrifice so our kids can have what they need. I have met parents who do not eat, so their children can have food. I see these young parents taking their children to basketball, soccer, dance class, bowling, camp, and all the other myriad of activities. And we go to their games and their plays and their practices. We support their efforts and their challenges and their triumphs.
As parents, we are not perfect. I think of my own life. I had my son the day after my 18th birthday. His father left while I was pregnant. I was lucky to have the support of my family, but it was challenging to raise a child, when I was so young myself. We were very poor, single moms usually are. But I tried to give my son as much as I could. He must have done ok. Today he is 47, and a good human being.
Parents are raising our next generation. Our society does not give parents the support they need. We do not always help families make it. An example of supporting families, one county I worked in let new Mommas and Poppas to bring their infant children to work with them. It was great! The bright light they brought to that negative environment. But the parents could work, AND take care of their family. The kids were not disruptive, I think the babies enhanced the lives of the other people in the office. Families are raising the next generation. Anyone who has been a parent knows it is not an easy job. Our society needs to support families.
Many years ago, the job of being a parent is to prepare our children. We prepare our kids so they can leave us and become functioning adults in the world. The leaving happens gradually. First, they roll over. Then they learn to crawl, and then walk. Then, they go play away from you on the playground. They go to school. So little, getting on the bus with their little backpacks. Then, they are riding their bike down to the park to meet up with some friends. They are going to basketball, wrestling, etc. They become teenagers. Interesting time. They do not want to be seen with you, but they want to know where you are at all times. Parents often times become really stupid around the teen years. And you have gone through ALL of this! Up in the middle of the night with a vomiting kid, going to principal offices and police stations, loving, sacrificing, and loving some more. And they leave. That is the goal! TO love them and support them and then to let them go.
Toxic parents do exist. My father was an alcoholic and abandoned our family when I was a little girl. I have met many people who truly have toxic parents. Most parents have tried the best they could! It is in the nuclear family, the family of origin, where we gain our basic skills for life. We could build a culture of helping these parents overcome addiction or personality disorders that prevent them from being good parents. We can support and help the children navigate the rocky road they are facing. This is why being a parent is such an important job. It is a job society should support. Because these children are not just the children of their parents. All children are humanity’s future.
I just felt a theme emerged this week. Being a parent. A most important job.